Over a year

How long does on soul have to suffer? I am not sure if I mean him, or if I mean me. The pain is real. I writhe in my own self-loathing and self-pity. How narcissistic of me.

How can I miss him so much? He did this to himself. Yet, I am the one paying the ultimate price for his stupidity and triviality. I wish I had just one day. I would give my soul for a single day with Mike cognitive and aware.... just to hear him say, "I love you" just one more time.... just one more. To feel him caress my hand; to feel his eyes look at me lovingly.

Instead, I get those empty, hollow eyes. My punishment or his... maybe both? Who knows, who cares.

No family. Nothing. I am left alone in a world that seems so very large right now. I have no one, and this is something that will never change. I push them away. Because they will all end up like him.... dead.