So Tired

Going on 10-days now. This is how the doctor told me he was going to die...

Apparently he has 4 things working against him right now.

1. 100% oxygen, low saturation.
2. Poisoned blood.
3. Kidney failure.
4. ARDS.

I am so tired of hearing "professionals" tell me he has less than a 5% chance of survival. Seriously, I still feel like he is coming home. I do not care what the "experts" say at this point. He has not seriously declined... but he has not seriously improved. He is like stuck in limbo. They cannot move him without causing distress.

I have had two doctors now ask me "how long do we leave him on the ventilator?" Like taking him off is an option right now. But they want to know... its been 10 days... why are they giving up? I will fight tooth and nail with every bit of life I have in me to keep him on the ventilator for as long as it is needed.

They are talking of a tracheotomy, and honestly, I am all for it. Every time he has had a backslide it has been because he has gagged up the ventilator tube.

I realize his chances are slim, but deep in my gut, I feel he will be ok. Someday, I want to share this journal if you will with him. He needs to know. I love him so much, and I never told him enough.

Will he live? Yes. Will he die? No. That is the simplicity of it.

He is fighting. He is not giving up. I refuse to give up on him.